


Please Smile for Me

by Anonymous



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst, Grunkle Ford Is A Jerk, Grunkle Stan-centric, M/M, Stan Needs A Hug, Stangst, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is Sad, can be read as gen if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 15:51:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14288277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Stan doesn't want to let go without seeing that smile. The one that lights up his world and shines like the sun. He needs to see it. Just one more time.





	Please Smile for Me

**Author's Note:**

> Oof I just needed to get this off my chest. It's pretty angsty and has a lot of sad Stan but don't worry, no character death here, folks! I imagine the thought crossed Stan's head at least once. Who's to say he didn't entertain it?

Stan sighed as he sat on the edge of his worn mattress, It was a deep thing that slipped through his lungs and held more regret then anything.

He couldn't do this anymore. Just. Living. Breathing. He was _tired_ and he was too old for this already. To handle...Ford.

It wasn't that he didn't love him. Stan would die for him, would take all of Ford's problems off his shoulders and place them on his own just so his brother could walk a little lighter. Stan loved him, that was never a question.  
The problem was that he didn't know if he could stand to have his heart broken again. it had already been cracked, splintered, shattered, too many times for him to count.  
his heart was a fragile thing held together with memories and bandaids and it was barely glowing with the hope that Ford might still love him back.  
Stupid hope.

It always made everything worse.  
Because...Ford didn't love him.  
If he loved him he would do something to show it. All Stan had gotten since Ford came through the portal was a punch to his face and a harsh man sentencing him to homelessness once the summer was through. Nothing had changed. Four decades and Stanford was still eager to push him away and out of his life. Stan could feel a stab of pain in his chest.  
Ford didn't love him. Stanford resigned him.

Stan was just a parasite to his twin. Something that sucked away life and hope and made it difficult to live. Stan Pines was a suffocating thing and his brother knew that more then anyone. Stan knew that more then anyone.  
He had thought that he could make it up to him. He was a person. Someone who deserved to live and contribute something in this world, right?  
_No_. A voice hissed at him from inside his head. _You're not a person. A person is worth loving. A person is worth living. You're not a person. You're a mistake._

I'm a mistake.

Why was I ever born?

_to suffer._

Stan couldn't stop the chill that ran through him at the thought. That couldn't be true. He's had some good moments. The kids were proof of that. Stan chuckled.  
It was full of regret and loss. It sounded like despair.  
Dear God he was going to miss them.

He was going to miss them but. He couldn't continue living. He was a coward, he was selfish, and scared. He couldn't keep living knowing Ford had given up on him. Knowing he'd be living the rest of his life while his brother resented him.  
Maybe someone, anyone, else could have pulled themselves together and realized that they were their own person and that they could survive without someone else's love, their approval.

Stan couldn't find it in himself to see reason.

Maybe years ago, when he was young and proud, he could of pulled himself up, dusted off and kept moving. Maybe he could have worn that strong smile that meant he wasn't giving up and he was going to win. He envied that version of himself now.

He was old and grey, hands shaking with emotion he couldn't quite hold back, he was tired and ready to give up, each breath seeming to be punched from his chest as his eyes stayed clouded over with acceptance and fear.

He couldn't fight anymore.  
He had only been holding on for Ford.  
Bring him back.  
Bring him back and see his face again.  
Get him to show you that smile. The one that means he's happy and safe.

Stan froze. 

That smile. When was the last time he had seen it? Before dad kicked him out? Dear God that was much too long.

Stan hadn't seen Ford's smile in so long. It hurt. He just needed to see his twin happy, just one more time.

He needed to see his brother smile. It wouldn't be because of him. It wouldn't be for him. 

But..as long as he could see it he'd be happy. 

Just one more time and then he'd off himself. A gun. He had one in his drawer. 

Just the thought had Stan's hands itching for the weight in his hands. 

Mabel and Dipper would leave next week. He'd do it after they left. That gave Stan plenty of time to find a moment with his twin beaming. Maybe it would be over the kids, or some nerdy science thing (Ford just loved that stuff), but whatever it was Stan planned on seeing it and keeping the image with him when he pressed the tip of that gun against his temple. It would make him feel braver, he thinks. Or maybe give him some kind of peace in his heart. 

Or maybe it would remind him of better days, when it was just him and Sixer against the world, together and happy and sweet. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Notes and feedback are always appreciated and have a great day/night!


End file.
